Stay

  Stay

  Copyright © 2012 J. R. Barrett

  Cover Artist: Winterheart Designs

  Interior Design: JW Manus

  All rights reserved. Except for the use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means is forbidden without the express permission of the author.

  This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, and settings are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events, names, locales, organizations, or persons living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Table of Contents

  Introduction

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  About the Author

  The Soul Series

  Other Works

  Dear Reader:

  I intended Incorporeal (Book I: The Soul Series) to be a stand-alone book, however by the time the story took shape I realized an important secondary character had his own life to live. Thus, In the Flesh (Book II: The Soul Series) was born. However, In the Flesh didn’t end the way I anticipated and I realized there was more story waiting to be told. Stay (Book III: The Soul Series) is that story. Thanks for staying around.

  Julia

  Plato believed in metempsychosis, the transmigration of souls from one living thing to another.

  Pythagoras heard the cry of his dead friend in the bark of a dog.

  Genesis 6: And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them, that the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives, whomsoever they chose.

  This is the theory of the Zohar, which says: "All souls are subject to transmigration; and men do not know the ways of the Holy One, blessed be He! They do not know that they are brought before the tribunal both before they enter into this world and after they leave it; they are ignorant of the many transmigrations and secret probations which they have to undergo, and of the number of souls and spirits which enter into this world and which do not return to the palace of the Heavenly King. Men do not know how the souls revolve like a stone which is thrown from a sling. But the time is at hand when these mysteries will be disclosed" (Zohar, ii. 99b).

  Stay

  hat do you think, Bodacious, time to move on?” Lucas pounded another nail into the fencepost and shot a glance at his horse, not that he expected an answer.

  Head down, Bodacious snorted. Lucas watched the horse use his sensitive nose to brush aside a thin layer of snow in search of the tender spring grass.

  Dragging his bag of tools, Lucas stretched a length of wire to the next post. He looked over at the horse again and shook his head.

  “I’ve never been in a situation like this.” He reached for his hammer and another nail. “A woman who I swear is temptation personified, no man in sight, a ranch that needs running… Everyone ‘round here seems to think I’m the one knocked her up only I don’t remember a thing.”

  He missed the nail. “Damn it!” Lucas popped his thumb into his mouth. Disgusted, he tossed the hammer onto the leather bag and walked off a few paces. “I wish to hell I did remember. I wish it had been me. I wouldn’t have left her. Only the worst kind of idiot walks away from a woman like Sydney Blake.” Lucas shook his hand, studying the red mark under the thumbnail. “Christ that smarts.”

  He threw an arm over the horse’s rump. “How the hell did I get mixed up in something crazy like this?”

  Bodacious snorted again and moved away to a likely looking patch of green.

  “Sick of hearing me repeat myself, are you?” He knelt to grab another handful of nails.

  “I’ve heard worse.”

  Lucas spun around. “Where the hell did you come from?”

  Cass retrieved the hammer and held it toward Lucas. “Left my truck down by the river. Hiked up over the ridge. I figured I’d find you here. This stretch of fence takes a beating every year.”

  Lucas reached for the hammer. “Thanks.” He fitted a horseshoe nail around the barbed wire and pounded it into the fencepost. “What can I do for you, Sheriff?”

  Cass stretched the roll of wire to the next post. “I hear tell you’re thinking of heading back to Nebraska. Any truth to this rumor?”

  Lucas stopped his arm, the hammer in his hand poised in midair. He turned to look at the sheriff. “Who you been talking to, my horse?”

  Cass shook his head. “Don’t need to. I pay attention. Comes with the job description.”

  Without a word, Lucas returned to his task.

  “Son, I asked you a question.”

  “And I don’t have an answer for you.”

  The men worked in silence. After the last section of torn wire was repaired, Lucas retrieved his tools, wrapped them, and stowed them in his saddle bag. He turned to the sheriff. “Thanks for your help.”

  “You’re welcome, Wolf.”

  Biting back a curse, Lucas stomped right up to the man. “That’s another thing. It pisses the hell outa me that everyone around here seems to think he knows me, like I been here all along. You don’t know me. You don’t know a damn thing about me, and neither does she.”

  The sheriff backed off a few paces, leaned against a post, kicked a booted toe at the snow. “That’s what’s really eating at you, isn’t it?”

  “Damn right it’s eating at me.” Lucas tore his hat off his head and smacked it against his thigh. “It wasn’t me.” He folded the worn baseball cap, squeezing it in his fist. “I wouldn’t forget her. I wouldn’t leave her on her own. I’m not that kind of man.” He paused, twisting his cap. “But it’s more than that.”

  “Doesn’t feel quite right, does it?”

  “No.” Lucas lifted his head. “Some days I feel like I’m losing my mind, like maybe I lived two lives at the same time, but that’s not possible, sheriff. A man can’t do a thing like that.”

  The sheriff arched his eyebrows.

  “I look at her and I see her, well, I see her through different eyes, through another man’s eyes. It makes no sense. I know things about her I have no way of knowing. I remember conversations we’ve never had.” Lucas rubbed a hand along his unshaven jaw. “Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?”

  “Not to me it doesn’t, son.”

  Lucas stared at the other man. “Then what the hell’s wrong with you? If you said something like that to me you can be dang sure I’d lock you up and throw away the key.”

  Cass shrugged. “I’ve seen and heard a lot of strange things; some would sound pretty crazy to you. I’d tell you all about it, Wolf, but you wouldn’t believe me any more than you believe your own eyes and ears.”

  Lucas snorted. “Is this whole county insane? The sooner I’m on my way, the better off I’ll be.” He stuck his cap back on his head.

  “Well, I suppose you have to do what’s best, but I’ll say this, if you leave, Sydney’s stubborn enough to work this ranch on her own. She’s too proud to ask for help.”

  “That’s not my problem.” Lucas lifted his bridle from the fence post and reached for the horse’s halter.

  The sheriff put a hand on Lucas’s shoulder. “Will it make any difference if I tell you I heard from her father today? He says he won’t be coming back up here until August.”

  Lucas shrugged the sheriff’s hand from his shoulder and closed his eyes. Shit. “Why not, what’s the hold up?”

  “Sydney’s mother feels better in the warm weat
her. She’s not quite ready to come on home.”

  “God bless it.” Lucas threw up his arms, spooking his horse. He grabbed for the lead rope. “Hush, boy. Hush.” Bodacious stomped his foot. “Look, sheriff…”

  “Cass. You’ve been here a month. It’s about time you called me Cass.”

  “All right, look here, Cass, I understand what you’re trying to do.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Make me worry about her.”

  The sheriff smiled, his eyes crinkling. “Is it working?”

  Lucas tried hard not to respond to the smile. He knew the man was playing him. “You’re preachin’ to the choir. I never stop worrying about her. She’s all alone, trying to practice medicine and run a ranch. And have a baby. Can’t be done, at least it can’t be done well.”

  “Then why not stick around?”

  Lucas focused on bridling his horse. “If I stick around…” He paused to hook the throat latch. “If I stick around I’m asking for trouble.” He glanced back at the sheriff.

  “What kind of trouble?”

  Lucas tossed the reins up over the horse’s neck. “Everyone around already has a notion I’m with Sydney. I’ve never been with her, Cass. That doesn’t mean I haven’t…” He stopped the words from passing his lips.

  The sheriff’s expression didn’t change. “Thought about it?”

  Lucas shook his head. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “Hey,” said Cass. “I’m not one to criticize.”

  “Never said you were.” Lucas turned back to his horse to tighten the cinch. He made sure his tool bag was secure.

  “Why not give it a chance?”

  Damn it. Why doesn’t the man shut up already? “What, Sydney? You mean Sydney and me?”

  “That’s exactly what I mean.”

  Lucas laughed. “You playing matchmaker now?”

  “No.” Cass looked him straight in the eye. “I owe you a debt and I’m repaying it. You just don’t remember.”

  “See?” Lucas wagged a finger at the sheriff. “This is what I’m talking about. All this crap about stuff I don’t remember. And that’s all it is, crap. I’ve never been here before. I don’t know you people. I don’t know her, and if she looks at me with those big eyes one more time…” Lucas grabbed for his stirrup and stuck his booted foot into it.

  “What?”

  “She looks at me like I broke her heart,” Lucas mumbled, slinging himself into the saddle. “It wasn’t me but it feels like it was. And for the life of me I can’t figure out why.” He glanced at the sheriff. “Maybe you oughta hit me over the head and see what happens when I come to.”

  “The thought has occurred to me,” said Cass.

  Lucas gathered his reins. “I’ll stay, for now. But next time you come to have a little talk, you’d better be prepared to tell me about this other Wolf fellow and what the hell he did to her, to you, and to every other damn soul on this ranch.”

  He spun his horse around and loped off down the ridge, leaving the sheriff and his riddles behind.

  Syd didn’t feel so hot. Her stomach bounced around as if someone was using it as a butter churn. Up and down, up and down. She wished she’d thought to bring some crackers to work.

  For the first three months of her pregnancy, she’d barely even known she was pregnant. Well, tried not to know was more like it. Now the baby was all she thought about, the baby and the way Wolf avoided her.

  Between the hospital, the demands of the ranch and the sleepless nights, Syd was as exhausted as she’d ever been. Oh, and the baby, Wolf’s baby. She was desperate to talk to him about the baby, but she couldn’t. Any mention of his contribution to this pregnancy and he’d pack up and leave…yesterday.

  Syd was surprised he hadn’t hit the road already.

  Whenever she was at the hospital, she wanted to be back at the ranch. She prayed she’d look into Wolf’s eyes and just once he’d look at her the way he used to, just once she’d see the old Wolf looking back.

  On the other hand, whenever she was at the ranch she wanted to be back at the hospital because he made it clear how uncomfortable he felt around her.

  She was a fool for hoping. Sure, Lucas was Wolf, she knew it, Cass knew it; for god’s sake even the ranch hands knew it. Everyone knew it but the man himself. He didn’t have a clue what he’d been. He had no idea how much he meant to her, no memory of what he’d sacrificed for her and for Cass.

  She could tell by the very cant of his head whenever he was around her. Lucas Jennings thought she was crazy as a loon. Every single time he gave her that veiled look, another piece of her heart died.

  He slept alone in the small bunkhouse. Each night she had to stop herself from doing what she wanted to do with all her heart, walk across the dirt road, knock on his door and beg him to let her share his bed, beg him for crumbs, charity.

  “Dr. Blake?”

  Syd looked up from the computer. “Yes?”

  “The patient in room one is asking for more pain medication.”

  “The hip fracture? Dr. Benoit took that case. Did he go on break?”

  The nurse shook her head. “He’s out back waiting for the EMTs. The car accident, remember?”

  “Oh, right, sorry. I’ll go talk to the patient. Did the x-ray tech get here yet?”

  “Been here and gone.”

  “Good, thanks. I’ll take care of this.”

  Syd rose from her chair only to find herself on the floor, two nurses and Dr. Benoit bending over her. She tried to sit up, but Dr. Benoit pushed her head back down.

  “Stay down,” he said. “Your blood pressure is low and I don’t want you passing out again.”

  “I don’t faint,” Syd said.

  “Uh, well, you just did, Dr. Blake. Have you eaten today?”

  Syd tried to remember. Hadn’t she just been thinking about crackers? “No, I guess not.”

  “Well you’re dehydrated and undernourished. Judging by the persistent bags under your eyes you aren’t sleeping.” Dr. Benoit turned to one of the nurses. “Let’s get Dr. Blake into a bed, get a liter of normal saline into her and call Dr. Evans.”

  “Yes, doctor.”

  “No, wait.” Syd tried to protest. “That’s not necessary. I’m fine.”

  “Syd, that’s enough out of you. I’ve indulged you in your pity party for too long. You may not care what happens to you, but someone has to care about this baby, and I guess that’ll be me. Bob Evans dropped by here last week to tell me you’d skipped another appointment. You are way too smart to be so stupid.”

  Syd felt her cheeks burn. “I’m not stupid, I’m…” Her eyes filled with tears.

  She watched Dr. Benoit grit his teeth, as if biting back a response. “All right, up we go.”

  Dr. Benoit and two nurses lifted her onto a gurney and transferred her to a bed in one of the cubicles. Before she could utter another word she felt a prick in her left wrist and the cool flow of IV fluids in her vein. Syd decided to close her eyes and just go with it.

  Ben was right. She’d been fucking up big time. Wolf’s baby deserved better.

  “Syd?”

  At the touch of a hand on hers, she opened her eyes. “Hi, Dr. Evans.”

  “Hello, Sydney.”

  “I’m sorry to be so much trouble.”

  “You’re no trouble at all.” The older man patted her arm. “That’s the trouble. You skip your appointments, ignore my advice. You have to take care of yourself, Syd. You want a healthy baby.”

  “I know, I do, I’m sorry. I just can’t seem to, well, to focus on much these days.”

  Dr. Evans patted her arm again. “Stop apologizing. Neither of your jobs is easy and now you’re going to be a mother. You need some help, Syd. A lot of people care about you. Let us help you.”

  “Not the one…” Syd stopped in mid-sentence.

  “Not the what?”

  She shook her head. “Nothing, it’s nothing. As long as I’m a captive audience, you want to
get the blood work I missed last week?”

  “The phlebotomist is on the other side of the curtain. We’ll talk after I get the results back. I suspect you’re working too hard and eating too little or you’re anemic. Knowing you it’s probably all three.”

  Syd forced the corners of her mouth up in what she hoped passed for a smile. “You’re probably right.”

  Dr. Evans left the cubicle and the lab tech took his place at the bedside. Syd stared at the wall, ignoring the prick of the needle in her arm.

  It would be easier if Wolf hadn’t come back. How cruel of the fates or the gods or the devil to send him here, tear him away from me, and then bring him back without any memory of how much I love him‌—‌how much we love each other.

  Every day is torture. I want him, but he doesn’t want me and I can’t tell him a damn thing about what happened. He’d never stay. He’d just run faster and he’d go so much farther. What the hell am I supposed to do?

  She closed her eyes again.

  Maybe I should do us both a favor and fire him.

  Stay

  on of a bitch. Doesn’t anyone answer the phone around here?” Lucas yelled the words out the open barn door even though he knew damn well the two hands, Ryan and Chuck, were off in the pastures.

  “Hang on, little one.” Lucas used his fingers to break the suction and pull the bottle away from the heifer’s mouth. He swept her into his arms and deposited her in a clean stall. She’d just been born this morning. Feeding twins was tough enough for a cow, feeding triplets was near impossible. This tiny heifer wouldn’t survive unless they bottle-fed her or found her another mother.

  Another mother this late in the season was unlikely. All but a handful of the cows had already calved.

  “Coming.” Lucas clomped across the barn to the tack room. He grabbed the receiver on the old wall phone. “Triple Creek Ranch… No, Sydney’s not… Can you repeat that?” The words doubled him over, as if someone had punched him in the gut. “I’m on my way.”

  He grabbed his keys from a nearby shelf and jogged to his pickup. He hoisted himself inside, eyes forward, scanning for a dust trail from the tractor. Ryan and Chuck were on the other side of the ridge, a mile or so from the barn. Lucas headed in their direction. Someone needed to finish feeding the heifer and make sure she was bedded down safe and sound.